Being two is amazing: people finally start to understand what you’re talking about, you are allowed chocolate, and your opinion counts for something (although apparently not everything when it comes to wanting the adult definition of too much chocolate – an arbitary figure determined by an unknown formula).
Two year olds are, however, often misunderstood. We are considered difficult, unpredictable, and prone to throwing ourselves on the floor. With a little more knowledge though, you will soon see the fabulousness of life with a toddler. So here’s my handy guide to ensure there is nothing terrible about your interactions with me.
Firstly, language. The following translations might come in handy:
- don’t like it means don’t want it.
- Tired means I know I am in the wrong but want you to let me off.
- Shat means mummy sure is glad I can’t make the short i sound and wishes I wasn’t such a parrot.
- Daddy? means mummy said said no.
- More means more, lots, another one.
- Not working means I can’t do it, so the only explanation is that it is broken.
Secondly, you need to understand the following:
- I don’t walk anywhere. I run. On the occasions when I travel slower, it has nothing to do with the destination you have in mind, rather it’s connected to my need to inspect the sticks and rocks along the way.
- A stick is never just a stick. It is an aeroplane, a giraffe, or a helicopter.
- The only toy I wish to play with is the one that belongs to someone else.
- I will test your patience regularly…
- … but melt your heart almost minutely.
- If it’s got wheels, I need to point it out to you. Bin truck! Bike! Car! The appropriate response is wow!
- My talent for stalling at bedtime is remarkable. I will ask for milk or water, and it will always be the one you don’t have. I will want, then immediately not want, my teddy. I will be hungry, then thirsty, want blanket then be too hot. I will suddenly be able to sing songs all the way through at the top of my voice to distract you from how frustated you are that I am awake.
- I will turn and look at you, drop a kiss on your cheek or grip your hand, and any memory of a tantrum will be erased.
That’s about it, the lowdown and language of me after 25 months on planet Earth. It sounds like hard work because it is, but mum and dad sure do smile a lot, so I figure I am doing okay.