Boy, do I fear the unknown. Today has been taken over by worrying about something that may or may not have happened, that is out of my control, and out of my power to check. These are the worst of days; days spent scratching around in your head trying to mentally check you did the right thing, made the right choice. It’s been a day of getting through, hurrying up time for the moment when you can finally face The Unknown. The thing that has got your chest tight, your breathing off, your mind racing and your adrenaline levels through the roof.
It’s a vicious circle of thought; I am worrying about things I have no control over. I know that my problems are small scale and that I am lucky. I know I should get out in the fresh air, focus on the moment and the value the day. But if I stop worrying, how will I be prepared for The Unknown? Doesn’t that make me not care? (Double negatives seem excusable in this illogical world I’m living in right now.) I can’t not worry because then I don’t care and it will make the thing I am worrying about more likely to have happened. Are you kidding me brain?
And how disrespectful of life is all this worry? Guilt is also in the cocktail of emotions going on inside. What a waste of a day? What a criminal way to live. But, how to beat? What to do? Answer Unknown too.